These are the six signs the people around you are narcissists... from your partner to your boss, here's how to handle those with the personality disorder

We’ve each heard nan connection flung astatine personification aliases whispered down a hand. She took nan past biscuit connected nan sheet astatine nan meeting? What a narcissist! He fto nan doorway plaything successful your face? What. A. Narcissist.

But is this mentation accurate, aliases is nan connection now utilized truthful often that it’s mislaid each meaning?

How tin we show if our husband, our mother-in-law aliases our leader really is afflicted by narcissitic characteristic disorder, alternatively than conscionable thoughtless? 

Here, trauma coach Caroline Strawson, writer of a caller book, How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse, describes six reddish flags that bespeak you could good have a narcissist successful your life.

1. They won’t return work for bad behaviour

Narcissists won’t apologise for nan distress they cause. It’s ever personification else’s fault. They’ll say: ‘I had to do this because you said that!’ Normal group mightiness not speak to their partners for a while aft an argument, but yet they’ll sidle up, mumble an apology and judge immoderate of nan blame. But nan narcissist won’t, arsenic he doesn’t deliberation for illustration that.

2. They’re charming successful nationalist but controlling successful private

Narcissists are for illustration chameleons. They mightiness goad you pinch hurtful comments earlier a nighttime retired pinch friends until they elicit an affectional reaction. Then, astatine dinner, they’re nan life and soul, while you’re subdued because they’ve made you consciousness terrible. Effectively, they’ve made you look for illustration ‘the crazy one’.

This shape-shifting behaviour makes it harder for group to judge you erstwhile you show them what they’re really like. ‘But they ever look truthful nice,’ they’ll say.

3. Whether overt aliases covert, each narcissists crave attention

There are 2 main types of narcissist. The ‘overt’ type, who mightiness beryllium your boss, walks into a room and commands attention. It’s their measurement aliases nan highway. The ‘covert’ narcissist is harder to recognise. 

Despite being privately controlling, successful nationalist they play nan victim. If you’ve sewage a cold, they’ve sewage the flu. They mightiness kick astir their partner, truthful friends say: ‘But you’re specified a bully husband!’ They, too, request attraction and praise. We therapists telephone it ‘narcissistic supply’.

4. Most group consciousness bad if they wounded someone. Narcissists don’t!

We tin each beryllium selfish aliases unfeeling, but nan quality betwixt a narcissist and nan remainder of america is that we do usually consciousness empathy for others. If we wounded somebody, we’ll consciousness bad and want to make it right. A narcissist is devoid of empathy.

5. They’re arsenic brattish arsenic a toddler and ever person to win

The narcissist has nan mindset of a three-year-old, and only their needs matter. If they’re your partner aliases boss, you’ll locomotion connected eggshells to support nan peace. If you find fault, they’ll shout, spell silent, aliases retaliate pinch a individual attack. The narcissist ever wants to win.

6. They’re accomplished astatine gaslighting behaviour

A narcissist will manipulate you until you mobility your ain sanity. You mightiness spot a mysterious matter connected your partner’s phone, but if you inquire who it was, they’ll say: ‘Don’t beryllium ridiculous, there’s thing there.’ If you insist you saw it, they’ll displacement nan attraction to your behaviour. ‘You’re specified a play queen!’ they’ll say. You upwind up emotion arsenic though you’re successful nan wrong.

How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse, by Caroline Strawson, is now available

• This article was primitively published by Mail+ successful March