Opinion: Lego was my son's world. It took me decades to see why — and to join him there

Six decades aft nan property erstwhile astir group do, I’ve go obsessed pinch Lego. My gateway supplier was a group reminiscent of an crystal pick truck. Like galore parents, I was trying thing caller arsenic a measurement to link pinch 1 of my kids. Unlike galore parents, successful my lawsuit nan kid successful mobility was an adult, and I was building a group that he had designed.

My 3 boys were infatuated pinch building blocks arsenic children, and my hubby would play pinch them, school nan conception of a “stable base.” But I was nan 1 unsocial pinch nan kids time aft day, enduring interminable and soul-crushing afternoons connected nan level of nan playroom. I retrieve erstwhile nan boys were astir 3, 7 and 8, emotion for illustration it was an eternity until my hubby would get home, and I was thinking: “Lego again? Didn’t we conscionable do this yesterday?” Those hours seemed to spell connected forever, but 1 day, impossibly, I blinked, and they were abruptly driving, procuring clone IDs and heading disconnected to college.

Of nan three, my mediate child, Aaron, was nan enigmatic one, nan 1 I couldn’t ever understand. We moved from Ohio to nan Bay Area erstwhile Aaron was successful 5th grade, and nan modulation was almost excessively overmuch for him. He’d ever been change-averse; erstwhile I rearranged nan furnishings successful our Ohio family room erstwhile Aaron was astir 6, he was disconsolate, wailing for days for illustration King Lear successful nan storm: “Why is everything different?”

The move to California caused him unspeakable angst; for illustration a sad aged turtle retreating into his shell, Aaron lived 24/7 successful hoodies pinch nan hoods pulled each nan measurement up for almost a year. I look backmost astatine family photos from this clip and my bosom breaks to spot his face, often filled pinch consternation alternatively than joy.

So really did Aaron find his equilibrium?

First of all, he discovered philharmonic theater. As a teenager, he was successful a twelve musicals astatine our section organization theater. He and I saw Broadway shows together whenever we could: “Hamilton,” “Anything Goes,” “Dear Evan Hansen.” To spot Aaron discovering joyousness done philharmonic theatre was a delight (and a relief).

Secondly, Aaron continued building pinch Lego moreover arsenic different kids his property outgrew it. During mediate school, he recovered a group of likewise infatuated enthusiasts online who shared their original designs pinch each other. By nan clip he was successful precocious school, he had discovered nan “adult fans of Lego” community, and that was it for him: He’d recovered his people.

During college, he started accepting committee activity (“Can you creation and build a life-size Nike Jordan footwear retired of Lego?” “Why, yes!” “How astir creating a Balrog, nan demonic monster from ‘The Lord of nan Rings’?” “You betcha!”). After graduating, he continued pinch larger and better-paying commissions, cobbling together a burgeoning career.

Aaron’s dream, beautiful overmuch ever since he developed good centrifugal skills, was to activity for Lego arsenic a designer. But that would besides mean moving to Denmark. After college, he’d begun to thatch himself Danish — nan kid had his oculus connected nan prize — and, a fewer years aft he graduated, he was hired by Lego.

He and his woman now unrecorded successful Billund, Denmark, 5,368 miles from our location successful nan Bay Area.

Last fall, done a fluke of timing, Aaron and I sewage to walk a fewer typical days together successful New York, going to Broadway shows and to a barroom successful Greenwich Village for a large drunken show-tunes singalong. But it was erstwhile we went to nan Lego shop astatine Rockefeller Center that I felt for illustration I sewage a glimpse into nan halfway of his soul. We saw sets he’d designed, and he told maine astir chap designers erstwhile we checked retired their sets. This was his place, these were his people, this was his life — or, astatine least, it was his foundation.

Thinking astir it now, I recognize nan conception of nan “stable base” that my hubby taught him each those years agone has go a metaphor for Aaron’s life: This world of interlocking bricks is wherever he feels nan astir calm, happy and competent. He needs things to make consciousness successful nan measurement Lego makes sense.

As overmuch arsenic those after-school hours each those years agone felt monotonous, I’d emotion to spell backmost successful clip to erstwhile we each lived nether 1 tile and erstwhile I, nan boys’ mom, was nan large emotion of their lives, sitting connected nan level of that playroom. Not forever, but conscionable for a small while, equipped pinch nan insights I person now.

The clip has gone excessively fast. In nan meantime, I person a caller and profound relationship to Aaron, my sometimes-elusive one. When I dump retired a container of nan small integrative bricks and commencement sorting done them, conscionable nan specified sound brings maine back, to retrieve and to consciousness nan principle of my son, nevertheless acold distant he mightiness be.

Abby Margolis Newman is simply a freelance writer successful nan Bay Area. @newmaniacs