‘Lack of undivided attention’: Addiction to tech affects relationships, experts say

While keeping up pinch friends connected societal media aliases embracing nan latest apps connected a smartphone person go important parts of regular life for galore successful 2024, experts opportunity relying excessively overmuch connected nan instant gratification of exertion tin person a antagonistic effect connected your real-world relationships.

Winnipeg-based activity and narration therapist Susan Wenzel says she often sees couples fighting complete exertion encroaching connected nan attraction they want from their partners.

“The antagonistic portion would beryllium nan deficiency of undivided attention,” Wenzel told Global Winnipeg.

“I do see, successful my office, a mates coming and saying that, whenever they talk to their partner, they’re not looking astatine them, they’re not paying attraction to them, aliases they’re listening to them erstwhile they are watching TV aliases connected their phone.

“If we are talking astir building affectional enslaved pinch our partner, we do request undivided attraction because we’re communicating, ‘Your clip matters, you matter to me, and you’re important to me.’  So exertion tin origin group to consciousness that they are not heard successful a relationship.”

Wenzel, who leads workshops and seminars crossed North America to thief couples navigate their relationships, said different threat of excessive societal media usage is that group tin commencement to comparison each aspects of their lives — including nan narration pinch their partner — to nan idealized, curated versions group station connected societal apps.

“You’re starting thinking, ‘Oh, we really suck’… for illustration there’s thing incorrect pinch (your) narration because you are comparing yourself pinch what different group are doing, and that tin origin unhappiness successful nan relationship.

“And it’s not that your narration is bad — it’s conscionable that you are comparing yourself pinch different people. And we each cognize that saying that comparison is nan thief of joy.”

Wenzel’s proposal for partners who person seen exertion get successful nan measurement of things is to intentionally scheme to walk clip together without immoderate electronics.

“Be mindful of it — taking clip to really walk clip pinch your partner without your phone. That whitethorn really thief if you’re going retired for meal pinch your children, pinch your partner, leaving your telephone intentionally successful nan car aliases astatine home,” she said.

“That whitethorn thief you to beryllium capable to salary them, salary attraction to them, and to beryllium capable to bespeak that, ‘Hey, I americium present pinch you. You matter to me. And this clip matters to us, too’.”

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It’s not each negative, however. In galore cases, exertion has brought couples person together, arsenic successful nan lawsuit of Winnipegger Alex Wiebe, who told Global Winnipeg apps for illustration FaceTime helped “big time” erstwhile he was successful a long-distance relationship.

“My woman was (in) Northern Ireland erstwhile we met,” Wiebe said.

“We dated agelong region for nan first twelvemonth and a half of our relationship. And truthful we relied beautiful heavy connected Skype, FaceTime, each of that benignant of worldly erstwhile we were dating.

“That was a game-changer for us, conscionable to beryllium capable to pass somewhat face-to-face earlier she yet moved complete here. So for us, exertion has been massive. It’s allowed america to beryllium capable to stay successful a relationship…without that, it astir apt wouldn’t work.”

For Winnipegger Caitlyn Dionne, there’s besides a affirmative upside to exertion — thing that became particularly clear during nan COVID-19 pandemic, erstwhile spending clip pinch others successful personification conscionable wasn’t feasible.

“I’ve decidedly made a batch of friendships done technology, particularly during quarantine. One of my champion friends I really met online during quarantine. And I deliberation that’s beautiful good.

“But it’s besides benignant of a small spot different than going retired and seeing your friends and everything. I deliberation wide it’s been a bully thing.”

— pinch files from Drew Stremick