I got cut out of the school run mums' friendship group and now I have finally worked out why: CLAIRE FOGES

I checked my telephone for nan 23rd clip that hour. Still nary message. Hmm. Would nan surface blink into life pinch an affirmation that I was liked back? Check telephone again: nope. Crushed.

This sad segment was not maine successful my teens texting a imaginable boyfriend. Instead I was a mother of 2 kids, successful my precocious 30s, messaging a imaginable caller mate. A 'mum friend', to beryllium precise.

This female I had met astatine a babe euphony group pinch my seven-month-old son. Between bursts of Old MacDonald and Peter Rabbit Had A Fly Upon His Nose, we struck up a conversation. We were some struggling pinch nan carrot-pureeing relentlessness of weaning, and erstwhile she rolled her eyes during nan hokey cokey, I caught a whiff of a kindred spirit.

At nan clip I had been surviving successful a caller city, Bristol, for little than a year. With 2 children nether 2 and my hubby moving each hours, nan days were agelong — particularly arsenic each my bully female friends lived 'back home' successful London.

I was, successful short, connected nan hunt for company. So, astatine nan extremity of nan babe euphony group, I asked for her number. 'Oh sure,' she replied pinch a smile. But erstwhile I texted suggesting a java and 'playdate' later that day, consequence came location none. Hours passed, days passed, nary reply. I texted again: 'Hi! Just wondering if you sewage my message? x' The stony soundlessness continued.

'But I thought she liked me!' I wailed to my husband.

His response: 'Maybe she thinks you're creepy. Who asks for someone's number half an hr aft meeting?'

With scary I realised he mightiness beryllium right. Many times I had asked chap mothers successful playgrounds and playgroups for their numbers, taking nan mildest geniality arsenic a greenish ray for pursuing friendship.

I was nan platonic balanced of nan agency lech, aliases nan unusual feline connected nan autobus who asks you retired for meal aft a two-minute conversation. I had travel crossed arsenic that astir repellent thing: desperate.

So aft years of undignified, and often unsuccessful, advances for illustration these, I've fixed up altogether. Having a pack of 'mum friends' is simply not for me.

Why was I truthful keen successful nan first place? Because portion of idealised modern motherhood — on pinch slipping backmost into your jeans 3 days aft commencement and baking sugar-free muffins for your brood — is having a gaggle of caller friends successful nan aforesaid vessel to bent retired with.

I had absorbed nan thought that pinch motherhood comes an automatic maternal tribe: a Sex And The City-style pack powered not by late-night Manhattans but mid-week lattes.

Well, I'm now 4 babies in, and it hasn't happened — though Lord knows I tried. My first attack was joining a group tally by nan NCT (National Childbirth Trust), which brings couples together successful nan past months of gestation to study astir childbirth and newborns.

I cognize of respective group who person made friends for life astatine their ain NCT: 1 still goes connected skiing holidays pinch her group a decade later; different is godmother to an NCT friend's son. In our case, nan group ne'er met again and nan full point fizzled out.

Then, erstwhile my first babe was six months old, we moved to Bristol and I realised Operation Mum Mates would person to measurement up a gear. Soon pregnant pinch my 2nd child, I vowed to activity nan babe group circuit.

I did them all: java groups successful draughty religion halls, singalongs successful libraries, buggy-fit classes, thing ghastly called 'messy play', wherever your babies beryllium successful blue-coloured porridge getting gunky. While my babies had a ball, I would onslaught up conversations pinch different mothers.

Maybe, successful retrospect, I wasn't wholly myself. Conscious that galore of these women seemed to beryllium sailing done early motherhood, I tried to task a small Mary Poppins positivity, a spoonful-of-sugar destruction arsenic authentic arsenic Dick Van Dyke's cockney accent successful nan film.

Though my mum persona did sometimes get maine arsenic acold arsenic a java aliases a playdate successful nan park, these fledgling friendships petered retired aft a fewer meet-ups.

Sometimes that was because moving mothers were heading backmost to nan office, leaving stay-at-home mums for illustration maine looking for caller friends.

Sometimes things conscionable ne'er progressed beyond babe chit-chat. How's your baby's feeding, sleeping, weaning, rolling? How are nan unspeakable twos? How is nan modulation to 1 nap going?

Though these are each fascinating subjects successful this shape of life, nan conversational good soon runs dry. Sometimes I would consciousness nan deficiency of mum friends acutely.

One day, while pregnant pinch my 3rd child, I took my elder 2 to a mini park. The only different group location were 10 aliases truthful mothers and their children, celebrating a 3rd birthday.

There was bunting strung successful nan trees, blankets connected nan ground, prosecco popped and homemade fairy cakes spilling retired of Tupperware. In nan precocious day sun it looked Instagram perfect.

Then I recognised a face… and another… and another… each these women had attended a babe gym people I had frequented successful nan early days. We'd gone for coffees, had a WhatsApp group.

In nan intervening years, while I'd been hitting parks and soft plays solo, they'd each go patient friends. As 1 of them waved astatine maine I felt embarrassed: a lone ranger successful opposition to this aureate circle of friends. I waved backmost and quickly turned around, alert of a sting successful my eyes.

Why, I puzzled, was I Mummy No Mates? The astir evident mentation had to beryllium that I'm an unlikeable pillock (which is wholly possible), but past again I recovered it easy to make friends done school, assemblage and work. So possibly nan problem was much fundamental.

I hadn't really gelled pinch anyone connected nan babe group circuit. Previously, female friendships had started pinch nan fierceness of a crush: pinch nights retired fuelled by cocktails, outrageous confessions, almost contiguous intimacy.

And successful nan onshore of CBeebies banter, specified women are difficult to find. I'm judge they must beryllium retired there; it's conscionable that, for illustration me, a batch of women drape a cloak of wholesomeness astir themselves erstwhile they go a mum. Technicolor personalities go muted; motherly; acceptable.

On nan uncommon occasions I tried to break done nan mum-chat aboveground pinch a confession aliases title astir really saturated I was of child-rearing, I was looked astatine quizzically, arsenic though I had ripped disconnected my Poppins disguise to uncover Cruella de Vil.

Still, erstwhile babe number 3 arrived I vowed to springiness nan effort 1 past heave and downloaded an app called Peanut, which is fundamentally for illustration Tinder for mothers. Like nan making love app, you scroll done profiles. 'Katy, 33, into crafts and gardening, looking to meet for coffees and walks successful nan park…' Swipe right!

At first I felt a Tinder-like frisson. Messages were exchanged, dates fixed. And past thing funny happened. I realised I was doing nan alleged 'ghosting' myself, cancelling meet-ups aliases not bothering to reply. After years of wanting mum friends, erstwhile it came to nan crunch I couldn't really beryllium bothered.

A penny dropped: each those years I'd been chasing mum friends because I thought I ought to person them. Suddenly, nan thought of only making friends pinch personification because she had a womb and happened to beryllium successful nan aforesaid shape of life arsenic maine seemed a spot weird, and borderline sexist.

Eight months agone I had my 4th baby. This time, I haven't been hitting nan babe groups aliases palming my number onto random women.

Though sometimes it's lonely, my existing female pals are ever connected nan extremity of nan phone.

There's a emotion of liberation successful this shift. As successful truthful galore areas of life, reasoning excessively overmuch astir what we should beryllium doing tin unsighted america to nan beauty of what's happening successful nan moment.

These days, nan institution of my dribbling eight-month-old is capable for me.