Gay man lifts the lid on what it was like to be groomed to practice polygamy in an incestuous CULT - after being forced to marry and have seven kids

A cheery man who was raised successful an extremist Mormon-adjacent cult known arsenic The Order has opened up astir his harrowing experiences from puerility to his young-adult years.

Nephi Robinson, of Utah, went connected nan podcast and YouTube channel Cults to Consciousness to talk astir what it was for illustration increasing up successful The Order - a polygamous, incestuous organization based successful nan Salt Lake City area.

The Order was founded successful 1935 by Elden Kingston, who was among nan Mormons who reportedly disagreed pinch nan church's banning of polygamy and divided disconnected to shape his ain fundamentalist sect.

After Elden's decease successful 1948, he was succeeded by John Ortell Kingston. John died successful 1987, and nan cult was taken complete by nan existent leader, Paul Elden Kingston.

For his part, Nephi's dada is Paul's older brother, John Daniel Kingston, while his mom was John Daniel's 3rd woman retired of a full of his 14 spouses.

While Nephi was his mom's 2nd kid retired of her 13 children successful all, connected his dad's side, Nephi estimates he was astir nan 13th oldest retired of betwixt 100 and 200 children fathered by John Daniel.

Notably, successful 1999, John Daniel pleaded nary title to beating 1 his daughters, past 16 years old, aft she attempted to flight nan cult arsenic she was being forced to wed her ain uncle, per Southern Poverty Law Center. 

Before Nephi had deed his teens, he was already put successful nan position of playing genitor to his younger siblings and half siblings. 

That said, he admitted that he doesn't cognize each of his siblings - and has moreover had awkward encounters pinch those claiming to beryllium related, whom he didn't recognize.

His mom, meanwhile, had to activity astatine 1 of John Daniel's 'stewardships,' aliases business ventures, to support herself and her 13 kids, while additionally paying rent to her hubby - who, Nephi estimates, stopped by nan family astir erstwhile per month.

Nephi besides sewage his first occupation astatine 11 years aged astatine a cult-owned java shop. There, his mom made judge he sewage paid, which apparently wasn't nan lawsuit for a batch of kids.

But, astatine nan aforesaid time, arsenic soon arsenic Nephi starting making money, it was besides connected him to bargain his ain apparel and, later, salary for assemblage tuition and each basal books.

On nan occasions that John David would travel by his mom's house, she'd get a telephone telephone giving her a heads up, and past she and her kids would get to activity cleaning nan location and preparing meal for him. 

Nephi recalled really 'strange' his parents' interactions were - John David would 'treat her for illustration she was dumb' and 'talk down to her rather often,' while, astatine nan aforesaid time, he 'tried to enactment for illustration he was friendly.'

'And sometimes he was friendly!' Nephi continued, adding that, acknowledgment to nan different situation, he ne'er understood nan 'concept of a begetter figure' successful his childhood.

'When he was there, we had to make judge he was taken attraction of. And he would beryllium bully to america for nan astir part... but you really had to watch, because it felt for illustration you were connected eggshells. Because he could alteration successful an instant, and somebody's getting slapped.' 

His visits were 'stressful' for everyone astir him, Nephi recalled. 'As soon arsenic he was "home," it was a dispute environment.'

Later, Nephi realized that his dad's visits were, sickeningly, very overmuch timed to coincide pinch whenever his mom would person nan highest chance of conceiving. 

Horrifyingly, by his teens, Nephi's chamber was straight nether his mom's, and it didn't return agelong for him to put together what was going connected down closed doors during his dad's visits.

Nephi described that a woman's position is very straight linked to really galore kids she has - adding that it's commonplace for women successful The Order to person 15 positive children, and estimating that his ain mom's brood of 13 was astir apt astir average.

Most girls would beryllium betrothed, if not married, by 16, and beautiful overmuch everyone would beryllium betrothed aliases wed by 18.

While first wives would mostly get a large wedding celebrations, that was not truthful overmuch nan lawsuit for 'plural wives' - who were besides only recognized wrong nan religion, and not legally. 

With Nephi's mom was a 'plural wife' - arsenic his dad's 3rd - she fundamentally 'made up' his past name, which was apparently 'pretty normal for a plural wife.'

On Nephi's commencement certificate, his begetter was listed arsenic nan fictional Phil Robinson, and he recalled really nan family would occasionally get letters addressed to 'Phil Robinson' demanding child-support payments.

All nan while, Nephi began to recognize early connected that he felt attraction to different men - but wasn't astir to admit that to himself, fto unsocial anyone successful his community.

Even astatine nan non-religious nationalist schoolhouse he attended, shot players would spell astir beating up kids who were gay.

'I conscionable believed that, whether I enjoyed it aliases not, I needed to spell and commencement a family and do my job,' he said. 

'I felt a batch of shame for it,' he described of his sexuality.

'I tried truthful difficult to not be. I fasted and prayed galore times... The measurement I understood it, I was instilled pinch thing that is anti-marriage, and anti-life and anti-procreation, and terrible.'

He added that he 'really latched connected to his domiciled arsenic an older brother' arsenic a measurement of uncovering his logic to exist. 

'Being cheery was specified a unspeakable point that I conscionable did what I could to merit to beryllium alive, I guess,' he recalled pinch sadness successful his voice.

When it became evident that Nephi was struggling during precocious school, his dada arranged him to commencement assemblage early, forging his commencement certificate to make it look arsenic though he was older.

Nephi past sewage an associate's grade successful manufacturing.

Only aft graduating was location 'a discussion' astir what Nephi wanted to do pinch his life - though John Daniel was ever going to person nan last say.

There was besides nan matter of pairing disconnected Nephi pinch a woman successful The Order and his engagement yet past 5 weeks earlier he tied nan knot. 

When it came to 'procreation,' Nephi admitted that was thing he 'really didn't look forward' to, emphasizing he conscionable simply does not consciousness intersexual attraction to immoderate woman.

Even so, he went connected to begetter 7 children pinch his then-wife.

'I truthful bask having kids. It's nan astir fulfilling point that I do pinch my life.

'But creating kids is decidedly 1 of my slightest favourite parts of my life, is conceiving kids,' he admitted.

And, aft he sewage joined to his first wife, 'there was still a batch of unit to get joined again,' said Nephi - some from his dada and moreover his first woman herself.

That said, unit from his dada to return connected much wives only fto up successful 2011, erstwhile Nephi came retired to John Daniel. 

At first, John Daniel tried to opportunity that Nephi was cheery because he'd been eating 'too overmuch chicken,' because he 'worked excessively much' - and besides speculating that his now-ex-wife was a 'hard personification to love.' (This, contempt that it was John Daniel who'd been putting him to work, and who'd group him up pinch nan wife.)

More generally, Nephi described that astir of nan girls astir his property were collaborated disconnected pinch nan aforesaid 5 aliases truthful men pinch nan Kingston surname.

Two of Nephi's wife's older sisters went connected to wed his ain begetter arsenic well.

From his wife's ultra-religious perspective, Nephi's deficiency of liking successful taking connected much wives besides threatened her ain chances of getting into nan celestial kingdom - which is nan highest-ranking level of eden successful nan Mormon religion.

'Towards nan end, my ex would tell, me: if I'm not going to do what I needed to do to summation my salvation, past I needed to leave. Because I'm not worthy it. She and nan kids merit a chance to summation nan celestial kingdom.

'And if I'm not going to supply that for them, past I request to leave,' Nephi recalled, adding that she told him that respective times 'toward nan end.'

And indeed, Nephi left, and divided his woman - and she's now achieved her dream of becoming a plural wife, he said.

'She was still tin of base children truthful she's going to get remarried, and she did,' Nephi explained, adding that she was engaged to different man conscionable complete a twelvemonth aft their separation.

'There's a batch of mechanics successful that world that I conjecture are bully capable for people. And if you're going to beryllium there, you should travel nan process of that world,' Nephi reflected of people, for illustration his ex-wife, who enactment committed to nan cult and its practices.

'I deliberation erstwhile you're successful an organization, being connected nan obstruction is astir apt nan worst spot to be.

'You either request to fresh in, and bask what you person - aliases you request to leave, because there's a definite group of rules and nan measurement you do things. And she fits successful pinch that world, so. That useful for her.'

That said, Nephi besides saw first-hand nan harmful repercussions of nan cult's distrust of nan extracurricular world, and mainstream medicine specifically, erstwhile his mother was diagnosed pinch crab successful precocious 2013. 

'It's my knowing they had a curen scheme for her,' Nephi said of nan doctors his mom had initially seen.

'And she did bring that to [John] Daniel, and Daniel had his ain programme that he wanted to do.

'But it's also, there's a full batch of history down that too. Because there's a full process to fasting. And fasting is simply a really large portion of that culture. Like I'm talking multiple-day fasts. So it is expected that if you are sick, past you tin accelerated to termination that illness.

'So Daniel helped travel up pinch a programme for her to follow, based connected nan fasting system. And he did do a batch of investigation and a batch of things, but it became Daniel's program, and not what nan doctors suggested,' Nephi continued.

'Whatever nan doctors say, past that's what we're not going to do. Because they're doctors and they don't cognize what they're talking about. We are nan ones that person keys to Heavenly Father. Daniel is connected to nan Man On nan Watchtower.

'So, immoderate God wants her to do, is going to travel from Daniel and not from nan doctors,' Nephi explained of nan cult logic astatine play.

Daniel 'did a batch of his ain research,' Nephi explained, and prescribed his mom 'different systems' involving a batch of fasting and besides 'different machines.'

One instrumentality was expected to beryllium put connected 'the affected area' and would create 'electric pulses' that were supposedly curative.

Daniel besides came up pinch a fare for Nephi's mom to follow.

The 'worse her information got,' Nephi observed, nan much power was exerted complete each facet of her life done an ever-more 'detailed regimen.'

As she declined, she was besides told to eat much and much 'disgusting' things. 

'Her fare sewage to a constituent wherever she had to eat astatine precisely this clip of day, precisely this. Everything was truthful elaborate retired for her, and her assemblage wouldn't ever respond to it, and she would propulsion it up a batch of times.'

Nephi estimated that, arsenic she was dying of cancer, she was besides being kept connected a fare of nether 500 calories per day.

'We conscionable watched her beautiful overmuch dice a slow, agelong and achy death,' Nephi said sadly.

'Instead of recognizing that it wasn't working, and doing thing else, erstwhile group would say, "Oh, she's coughing up blood, we've sewage to return her to nan doctors, we've sewage to do something" - he would conscionable say, "No, we've sewage to buckle down moreover harder, we person to thin much into nan program,"" Nephi explained of his dad's cognition toward his mom's declining condition.

Then he'd make nan programme 'even harsher.'

'It sewage to nan constituent wherever she had 24 hr supervision, and group were ever location to administer nan programme to her. But they weren't moreover very consistent,' Nephi added.

One time, he'd been assigned nan 'night shift' to watch complete her. 

He had nodded disconnected concisely - aft all, he'd been moving 12-hour shifts astatine 1 of John Daniel's companies.

When he awoke, he heard thing rustling successful nan kitchen, and discovered his mother sneaking grapes. 

She past begged her boy not to show connected her. And Nephi, recognizing that his mom was fundamentally being starved to death, did not. 

As for Nephi's wide narration pinch his dad, he felt arsenic though he earned his dad's attraction and liking successful a transactional sense.

He was mostly ignored by his begetter arsenic a kid, he felt.

But, arsenic he reached his teens, they developed much of a rapport - particularly arsenic Nephi began moving straight for John Daniel.

While he 'tried' very difficult to summation 'favor' pinch his dad, he was ever definite he 'never wanted to beryllium for illustration him,' Nephi said.

'I ne'er did for illustration really he was. But I did everything I could to necktie to him. So I felt for illustration we did person a beautiful bully relationship. And I did do a batch of activity for him,' Nephi described.

A mates years earlier he near The Order, Nephi had moreover go nan CEO of his dad's 'biggest morganatic company.'

'But it ever felt like, I had a narration pinch him because he needs thing from me. And he feels for illustration he is entitled to my life. And everything that I have, and ever will be, he is entitled to that, and he is expected to nonstop that.

'And I'm expected to fresh successful pinch him, and fundamentally connection it up to him. And I consciousness for illustration I did that a lot. And truthful nan narration was a reasonably bully one,' Nephi described.

Later, however, arsenic Nephi had made up his mind to leave, his dada summoned him for a bid of meetings.

At this point, his dada had already been alert that Nephi was gay. 

'He seemed for illustration he was beautiful sad astir it. And successful 1 of nan meetings, past he was explaining to maine really if I time off past fundamentally I'm going to spell to nan deepest depths of hell.'

When Nephi asked him what was successful it for him, and what he had to look guardant to if he stayed, his dada said to him: 'You will ne'er acquisition emotion successful this life. And that's conscionable benignant of nan business that you have. But if you don't take this life, past you're going to spell down.'

His dada past drew him a sketch of really heavy into hellhole he'd upwind up if he near - but besides demonstrating really he could 'sort of' ascend to eden if he stayed. 

Ultimately, Nephi near The Order astatine property 33.

'You put truthful overmuch of your life. And I deliberation 1 of nan things that's difficult astir leaving later successful life - versus being a teen aliases 18 aliases astir 20 - erstwhile you time off later successful life, you recognize that you've brought kids into this world.

'That full courting program, erstwhile I left, my oldest girl was 10-and-a-half. And I was recognizing that successful little than 2 years, she's going to beryllium connected nan creation card' - nan creation paper being nan first shape of nan making love process.

'And moreover guys my property are going to beryllium approaching maine for her, whether they are joined aliases not. And I started to deliberation successful my mind, "How americium I going to respond to my friends coming to maine astir my daughter?" And I started to play that retired successful my head.

'And nan courting strategy is 1 of nan main reasons I left. Because, I thought it through, for illustration there's nary measurement I tin expect her to do this, and consciousness for illustration I'm doing a bully point by her.

'In immoderate ways, it does consciousness for illustration you're trafficking your ain daughter. And arsenic you watch really immoderate of nan different men do it... Like that's thing that I conscionable was not tin of doing,' Nephi emphasized.

'I would truthful overmuch alternatively her person nan options, you know? Get to cognize nan guy. Go connected a fewer dates. And fig retired what benignant of personification you want to beryllium with. And then, see what matrimony could beryllium for illustration aft then.'

But, Nephi went on, successful nan strict rules of courtship successful nan cult, and 'wanting what's champion for her,' he could beryllium arsenic 'fair' arsenic imaginable - and it would still not moreover travel adjacent to being 'fair to her.' 

At nan juncture that he sewage out, he past had to contemplate nan repercussions of really he 'brought kids into that program.'

With that, he began to recognize 'how overmuch I helped this personification who is nan astir abusive, nan astir dishonest personification I've ever met. And really overmuch I've helped him. And I deliberation 1 of nan things that's difficult is you person to recognize you were not a bully person. You person to judge that you were portion of nan problem,' he described.

'When you're an adult, you either person to admit that it's a problem, and that you were portion of that problem.

'Or you tin conscionable person yourself that, moreover though you're now aged capable to deliberation logically, moreover though you're an big and you're responsible for your life and doing nan champion you tin for your children, you person to admit that you didn't. 

'And past make a full caller way and alteration everything for your kids, and everything you're doing, you person to alteration everything.

'Or, you person to benignant of conscionable springiness successful to it. I consciousness for illustration you conscionable person to break psychologically. I felt for illustration for maine to stay, I would person to spell crazy. Probably crazy successful a measurement that still looks sane. I could person acted sane. 

'But to admit what you are dealing with, and still beryllium there, it's truthful hard. And I consciousness for illustration that's a batch of group that person invested truthful overmuch of their life there.

'Even if they person accusation wherever they tin understand that it's not good, they're astir apt going to take to stay, because that's still easier than leaving,' Nephi reflected.

As for different members of his family, aggregate group kept coming to him, reporting that they'd person 'directives' via their dreams, pinch galore 'leveraging' his dormant mother, arsenic good arsenic emphasizing that he'd go trim disconnected from his kids. 

'They were showering maine pinch their love, and their threats astatine nan aforesaid time,' Nephi summarized. 'Especially Daniel. He would effort to power everything astir your life, by threatening you pinch everything that you have.'

While Nephi was so going done a larger 'faith crisis,' he yet would mention his sexuality arsenic nan main logic that he was incompatible pinch surviving successful The Order. 

His first period retired of The Order, Nephi was sleeping successful his car. Within nan adjacent fewer months, his grandma had gotten connection that he'd near and she offered him a room.

In nan first twelvemonth of his leaving nan cult, he sewage a occupation and his ain apartment.

He'd ever intended to salary kid support, and still does. 

He besides admits that nan values of difficult activity and industriousness ingrained into him by The Order decidedly don't wounded erstwhile it comes to doing good astatine work. 

Nephi besides described his consequence to nan threats of losing interaction pinch his kids: 'I would show them, "Nothing will ever relieve maine of nan duties that I person to them. And that's a batch much than conscionable financial. And if I person to workout nan ineligible strategy to return attraction of those duties, past I will."'

After spending tens of thousands connected ineligible fees, he won visitation authorities pinch his kids, and still sees them regularly. 

Host Shelise Ann Sola wrapped up nan question and reply pinch Nephi by asking him really he's doing now.

'I'm doing beautiful good,' Nephi answered.

'It feels for illustration having a 2nd chance astatine life. To walk 33 years of your life successful that group, and past find a measurement retired of it, and find a measurement to find your spot successful nan world,' he said.

'I'm doing a full batch to get to cognize myself. And I've had a chance to detox from that world. I had a fellow for a while. I'm presently single,' he added, admitting that, aft leaving an statement for illustration he was in, he had to admit that he wasn't 'ready' for a superior relationship. 

More broadly, he's conscionable 'focusing connected himself' and uncovering his spot successful nan world, arsenic good arsenic making judge his kids proceed to do well.

Of his eventual life advice, Nephi offered: 'Trust successful your creator, and to thine ain aforesaid beryllium true.'