DEAR JANE: I'm so jealous of my mother's amazing life that I did something terrible to try and ruin her marriage

Dear Jane,

I americium truthful suspicious of my mother that it’s ruining my life.

It sounds dramatic, but it’s go nan only point I tin deliberation astir and nan obsession is seeping into each facet of my life.

Three years ago, my mom met a younger man astatine nan market shop wherever she worked. At nan time, he was 40 and she was 52 – they are now happily married, and she has go nan astir spoiled female I know. 

She was ever slim and beautiful, but now she is dressed head-to-toe successful designer clothing and spends her days playing tennis and moving out, each while receiving an tremendous allowance from her husband, which amounts to much money than I make successful a month.

He makes much than capable money to support them both, truthful she doesn’t person to interest astir moving a time successful her life ever again. Instead she tin conscionable bask surviving successful their beautiful mansion, wherever she ne'er has to assistance a finger, aliases jetting disconnected connected 1 of their galore trips abroad.

I should beryllium happy for her. I cognize that.

And I besides cognize that she has done thing incorrect here. I should beryllium thrilled that my mother has recovered happiness pinch a successful, generous, handsome, intelligent feline who is truthful successful emotion pinch her. But nan truth is, I can’t guidelines really happy they are.

Being astir her makes maine consciousness miserable astir my ain life. I’m single, I’m overweight, I’m struggling for money – and I despise that she has everything I truthful desperately want. Whenever we are retired together, I spot group looking astatine her pinch envy and admiration – moreover lust – and it conscionable makes my humor boil.

Every clip I americium pinch her, I deliberation of each nan things that my ain life is lacking.

I’ve moreover gone arsenic acold arsenic to show her hubby immoderate very nasty things astir her successful an effort to break them up, but each clip he conscionable smiles astatine maine and tells maine to mind my ain business.

It seems truthful unfair that he has fallen for my mom alternatively of personification his ain property – but nary matter really difficult I effort to disregard these feelings, nan rage yet boils complete and I want to scream.

How tin I extremity this unhealthy obsession?

From,

Daughter In Despair

Dear Daughter successful Despair,

The problem pinch jealousy, pinch each kinds of disfigured feelings for illustration resentment and envy, is that allowing them to fester is for illustration pouring yourself a vessel of poison, but expecting nan different personification to get sick.

The only personification you are harming present is yourself, and it’s nary measurement to live. There will ever beryllium group amended off, wealthier, who person easier lives than you, conscionable arsenic location will ever beryllium group who are worse off.

The only measurement retired of nan benignant of toxic jealousy you’re emotion is to displacement your attraction to 1 of gratitude. However overmuch you deliberation your life whitethorn suck, I impulse you to attraction connected nan things that are working, that are good, that bring you joy.

In fact, whenever you find a antagonistic thought astir your mother creeping in, I would impulse you to instantly deliberation of 3 things you are grateful for. 

The subject has proven that gratitude transforms lives, peculiarly erstwhile we are programmed to spiral into negativity.

Please find a therapist to activity this through. 

This benignant of jealousy will ne'er lead to happiness, and I fishy you request thief connected your travel to being grateful for what you do have, to choosing to attraction connected nan blessings alternatively than nan burdens, some of which will lead to a happy life.